Summer of Hawk Part 4

Does anyone read this?

2011-11-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

I'm not too into the fact that Fall 2011 quickly turned into Winter 2011.

I don't really have anything to say but I just wanted to update this...

New Years Resolution Update:

No Meat: Epic failure as of August 2011.

No Treating Men Like Crap: Just figured out I was dating the wrong men.

Not Giving Up On My Novel: Keep on keeping on.

Getting Back on Stage: Joined improv group. Check.

Giving up meat wasn't that important anyway.

A Whole Season Later...

2011-09-01T17:56:00.001-07:00

I can't believe the summer is over!!

I went out to eat and drink a lot and to the beach once.

Tested out at my apprenticeship which means I'm officially a stylist at Arrojo Studio! You can check my bio at the website!

So now it's fall!

And here is my fall wishlist:

An area rug

Rosetta Stone (French)

Fall boots

Leggings!!

Prescription Raybans

...Maybe that last one belongs on a Summer wishlist....

Til next time!

Dancing with Myself

2011-06-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

Last I saw that girl her tutu was lit up!

In addition to me enjoying a "Single Summer", I've also decided to really get into being in a good relationship with myself. Doing what I want to do, enjoying plenty of alone time, focusing on myself. I know already kind of do that.

But Friday night, before meeting up with friends, I decided to grab some bubble tea. I walked into Columbus Circle which was lit up and beautiful and sat on the statue looking North. I put my headphones on and enjoyed the experience of sitting alone, happily, bubble tea in hand. The Weather was perfect.

A couple doing ballet waltz into view. The girl is in point shoes and a lit up tutu and crown. I watched them perform. This is why New York is great!

I later discover it's part of a touristy tour bus. New York ruins everything.

Summer Playlist....

2011-06-02T17:30:00.001-07:00

Folding Chair - Regina Spektor
Mushaboom - Feist
Uncharted - Sara Bareilles
Us - Regina Spektor Soviet Kitsch
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Heavy Mental Lover - Lady GaGa
Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles
Hero - Regina Spektor
King of Anything - Sara Bareilles
Breathe Me - Sia
Don't You Want to Share the Guilt? - Kate Nash

Past in Present - Feist

I know what you're thinking, "Where's the GaGa?" But trust me these are all carefully selected and placed.

POST #100!

2011-05-30T19:26:00.001-07:00

This is what Aruba looks like: Perfect!

I cannot believe it took me almost 6 months to realize that this post would be my 100, but here I am.

I came back because my blog was designed for summer and since it is summer again, I introduce to you Summer of Hawk: Part 4! I have an ulterior motive for this summer and that's.. To have an adventure. I know, I know, you hear that every summer, but I mean it.

The end of the summer will be likely be pretty turbulent (in a good way) because I'll be nearing the end of my apprenticeship and probably be moving out. So I guess this summer will be a lot of living it up and living it down all at the same instance.

To be honest, what I really need for this summer is:

But I'll settle for this:

Or something like that....

Let's do an update on my NYE resolutions:

No Meat: SUCESS! I have only eaten meat twice since January 1.

No Treating Men Like Crap: Uh... Well, here's the thing... I don't mean to. I just.... Eugh.

Not Giving Up On My Novel: Not given up... But definitely some sort of break.

Getting Back on Stage: Involves longer hair and head shots. Stay tuned.

I have a few ideas about how I want this summer to go...

I want to get out a lot! And I definitely want a lot of Margaritas again, but I'll be watching my wallet this summer so I guess they will all be $4 ones.

Easier-said-than-done part: I want an uncomplicated/nonexistant love life. I don't want to go to bars to pick up men. I don't want to get drunk and be disappointed if nothing crazy happened. So I'm 86ing my lovelife. The only issue with this is that it'll probably fall with the related resolution but I'll do my best to avoid drama. I'm going to enjoy my Single Summer because who knows what next year will bring.

...Right?

Anyway, as usual I want to document most of the adventures here. But, as usual, I'll probably, if you're lucky post twice.

Good thing when I say "you" I mean all one person who would read this.

Me, in two hours.

The Obvious Turnover

2011-01-02T10:12:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how every year ends and starts the same? Everyone frowns upon the passing year and revs up for the coming year. Every passing year left something to be desired........ new apartment, love life, a better career path, better grades, a more active social life... Something.

2010 for me was, in my eyes, part 2 of a 3 part year turnover. In 2009 I graduated college, picked out my career, started my new career path. In 2010 I worked on that career path, got a job at a company I can envision myself in for years, and burned every bridge with my past in efforts to look forward.

2011 opens as a promising year. I need to work on and build my career that will set me up for the majority of my life. It's the year that I don't plan on changing much, just building on what I already have. For 2010 I hoped for a "love life" (that lacked in 2009). I received it, but in a way that lead to a blog : notthe1.tumblr.com ... So we'll see how 2011 plays along.

My resolutions are: no meat, no treating men like crap, not giving up on my novel, and getting back on stage.

I need more music, any ideas?

For 2011, I look to the future.

Not the One

2010-10-21T19:14:00.003-07:00

Here is my new blog about how I talk about my non-existent sex life. And all the jerks in between.

http://notthe1.tumblr.com/

My New Musical

2010-10-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

I am also in the process of writing another blog! Stay tuned!

Hello, redhead.

2010-10-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

Three musicians I like: Kate Nash, Ingrid Michaelson and Lady Gaga. (One of these things is not like the other...) According to my last.fm profile, I fancy Ingrid a bit more. According to my Lady Gaga costume collection......

It depends on who you ask....

So I figured out what to be for Halloween and what to do for my birthday, in case you guys were incredibly concerned. My birthday will be a little shit show in the back of Fiddlesticks. For Halloween I'll be Ramona Flowers. You go, "Who?"

I Go, "Yea...."

I understand this blog is a series of fragments of random thoughts, but.. Isn't that what blogs are for? Actually, whenever I start writing in here I am ready to be a Serious Blogger. But I can ever stay interested in writing a blog long enough. Anyway...

I'm a redhead now!!

You remember we were sittin' there by the water..

2010-09-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

What a silly summer.

July and August flew by so fast I didn't have a chance to update. I spent most of that time in the salon, and had many adventures outside/after. Comedy &/or douchy dance clubs, trendy little restaurants, rehearsals, getting cussed out by interns, planning surprise parties, READING.....

Whooops. What started as a moment of weakness, ended one week and 2,444 pages later therefore demonstrating itself as an obsessive lapse. But to be fair, I loved every moment of it (sorta) and started reading again because of it.

Currently reading:

Which I love so far, so that is good.

I threw Lauren a surprise party, which was epic. And now I make plans for the next two big events of 2010: my birthday & halloween. Where do I have my party? What do I wear for Halloween?

I need answers.

Living the Dream.

2010-06-30T14:43:00.001-07:00

A year ago I figured out what to do with my life...

And now I'm actually doing it? Working at an awesome top salon and doing theater by the PM? Thug life. This summer I plan on just living it up... My reality check at the beginning of 2010 has me really appreciating all this that I have.

And right now I'm going to sit and sip my raspberry green tea/apple juice combo before call and contemplate.

I see Lady Gaga in a week [score] and will be getting the new ipod later in the month [double score].

All I'm saying to you, July. Is... Don't let me down. <3

Watch it.

2010-06-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what this summer is up to yet. I guess it's only the 23rd, so it technically just started. So far - if you count all of June, it's been a lot of lazy-ing in my pool, visiting friends, frequenting bars and working.

I've made an extra special mission of having a drink of the summer:

Which you may think obvious, but I never had so many Margaritas until this summer. I want it to be 2011 and I have a sip and I go, "Ahhh tastes like Summer 2010." I mean it in the best way possible.

Usually it's music that reminds me of summer.. Sort of like..

This bitch reminds me of 2008. And how much she's blown up since then. This summer marks her being on the cover of Rolling Stone TWICE. Anddd I'm seeing her July 7 for ten times the price of my first Gaga ticket.

Getting the iPhone 4 this weekend, even though I technically don't need a new phone. But it's pretty and I wants it.

Ghost of Summer's Past

2010-06-08T09:19:00.001-07:00

Don't Call Me Nostalgic

So I guess this blog is a summer tradition. So it's only fitting I listen to my on-going summer playlist. And although I don't really have a 'summer vacation', it doesn't mean I can't make this summer awesome, right?

After all, I have summer reading:

Something I want to buy this summer:

And a sequel to write:

So while I may not have too much free time on my schedule, friends living next door, or a vacation home in Maine I have things to look forward to, a great job, new friends and plenty of downtown mexican places for tacos and margaritas. That's what summer should be about, yea?

And as usual, I'll be writing it all here so I can remember it.

C'est ma vie, pas de 'blem.

2010-04-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Old habits die so very, very hard.

I had this whole post planned prior to opening the window. The thought was interrupted by my grandmother calling to inform me that she really wasn't trying to set me up with her exterminator's son... Phew?

Right now I'm at the end of a three week "vacation" between hair and hair. I spent the entirety of last week in the theater. I thought I was going to hate every minute, but it had me missing theater deeply and reminded me how much I want to get on the stage again. Except, I just accepted a full time position at Arrojo Studio, so I'm pretty certain I will not have the time to audition. I'm in this weird life-passion-love-triangle. I want to do both. It's never been a secret that I want to everything...

Teddy is trying to coax me into Assistant Directing this 15 minute musical. I can't help but smile about it.

I'm writing to warm up to write K-Hawk: Escape From Staten Island, which will come to some cheap ass theater near you in 2011. The idea of it is just too fun to pass up; plus I already mapped out a sequel to this sequel. Look - I'm just like JK Rowling only instead of wizards, I got guidos.

My life is a whirlwind right now. Sort of like that scene in Philharmagic where all the instruments are cyclone-ing around Mickey and he's trying to tame them all. Yea, that's my life. Except I feel more like Donald Duck than Mickey. [There's an obscure Disney World reference for you... If you got that we can be friends for life.] I guess there's so much that has happened in the past seven months I don't really have the time or patience to put it here.

I have this new habit that whenever I get really frustrated, I smile.

Wait.

2009-08-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

9.14.09

No less than two hours after I last blogged, I received a call from my grandmother explaining that my father said he will pay for Arrojo. So, I'm going to beauty school in exactly two weeks.

I'm back in Staten Island after a very interesting last week for RA Vue in Purchase. I did my best to make it that I would allow myself to go back there.

I have no job and have absolutely no clue when the next time I will be getting paid will be.

Everybody should go out and see Inglourious Basterds because it may just be my new favorite Tarantino film. Walking out of the theater, apparently everyone was woosy from the gore.

I had a warm fuzzy feeling in my belly.

So naturally, I am going to watch some Kill Bill 1 & 2 to get my fix on.

Rated P for Personal.

2009-07-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

Figuring out one's life is harder than you think.. Seriously.

Since I've last blogged, I've handed over cash to Arrojo Cosmetology School which is in Soho. The conflicting issue with enrolling into this school comes serious financial responsibility. I can only take out a personal loan in which I would have to pay every month. However, the class starts on September 14th.

Paul Mitchell wants a huge deposit in tuition to hold a place, however, I'm 75% I could take out a career loan from Sallie Mae and defer that until next August. I could take a small loan out from HSBC to pay for the deposit. The class starts in November.

CVS in my neighborhood will most definitely hire me for minimum wage. Starbucks in Westchester will have me back in the fall for a lot more than minimum wage. So.... I have two options:

Go to Arrojo, take out a loan and work Starbucks on the Weekend/crash in Westchester. Maybe work at CVS too. Totaling 55hours at least of work. 69 if you count commuting. PLUS homework. I don't know when I'd sleep.

Positives of Plan A:

- #1 School

- I'll be having fun in a place that's closer to where I want to work.

- Working in an area where I will see a lot of friends (soho/purchase)

- Will be able to search for apartment and real job by May.

Negatives of Plan A:

- Sleep?!?!/Where will I get energy to hang out with friends?

- I'll probably get sick because I won't have any rest.

- I will be that "senior who never left" for at most a year.

-Definitely no time for side projects for 7 months.

Attend Paul Mitchell's Cosmetology School. Work at CVS for minimum wage. Totaling anywhere from 40-50 hours of work. 10 hours of commuting. I could work at Starbucks at Purchase from Sept - November. I would probably have to take out a loan for the enrollment deposit, but I could pay it off with working.

Positives:

-Nearby.

- #5 School.

- I'll be having fun.

- Possibility of hanging out with friends more.

Negatives:

- Help! I'm stranded on Staten Island!

- I won't be able to work until July.

- Would have to take out two loans.

- I would definitely lose the deposit I gave Arrojo already.

Your thoughts?

This is like a terrible math problem.

Watch it.

2009-07-17T08:48:00.001-07:00

Tentative, most probable plan for the future:

Work retail for the next year

Paul Mitchell's Cosmetology until Jul 17 '10

Move out Sept 2010

I've hopefully landed a TA job that will help me save money for the rest of the summer. The more money in my bank account come August 19, the better. I hope to have landed a job on SI by then, but we'll see.

I've decided to go vegetarian again. With the exception of fish.. So I guess I'm pesce-tarian.

I'm considering going blonde again and cutting off most of my hair. Stay tuned.

ineligible and intellectual

2009-06-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Safe to the say, this will be my favorite album of the summer:

I'm listening to it right now and I LOVE it.

Despite the rain, I'm a little in love with the past few weeks.

Hawk off.

My diet: avocados, coffee, & croissants.

2009-06-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

You gotta start somewhere.

Morning #3 in the reshall complex office, a18.

Long day planned. Currently I have the shades closed, and due to the faint glow reflected on the wall behind me, I am imagining that it is sunny out. I've already checked for sun three or four times and it's just a really bright fog. I know better now.

So in my world, it's sunny. It's sunny and I am cooped up in the office.

I just checked the weather for tomorrow.

Rain.

ANYWAY, I've moved onto more summer reading:

Borrowed from Russell, I haven't read any of his other stuff but I figured a series of short stories is exactly what it takes to keep my ADD-proned mind interested.

Last night I dreamed I was visiting my friends in brooklyn. These dreams entailed pizza, travel via balloons and macaroni & cheese lava.

I guess I'm just a 6 year old at heart.

Who wants to see Up again?

Post 2.

2009-06-11T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking in words today.

My best guess as to why, is because I have been reading so much these days. You'd think since I spent four years in school, that I would be used to this. I guess when you don't read for fun you read one eye and out the other (....?). The point is, though, is I'm thinking a lot. And whatever I'm thinking, I'm thinking I should write it down. But as soon as I think this the words have escaped me and I'm left with a blank screen.

I haven't read or written this much since High School. Before I turned 17, I would be reading something new constantly. I'd write every day, and if it wasn't mine [/personal] I would post it online. College strikes and, well, I stopped doing work.

Paying for college is paying for an extended vacation entitled Childhood. You're just fooled into thinking you're learning and that you have "Serious" responsibilities. But once your pay period expires you're thrust back into the real world. Sink or swim, it's not their problem.

I don't know why I'm writing here again. I just want to write, but I have nothing specific I want to say.

I just want other people to know what I think.

...I just want to think.

Don't even bother because I don't live here anymore.

2009-06-11T06:24:00.001-07:00

Disabling Facebook from sending me e-mails, I thought, should be liberating.

I'm sending out too many resumes and applications, and coming back to an inbox full is just full of false hopes. Truth is, I don't care that so-and-so wrote on my wall and I don't need the stress that comes when what's-her-name tags me in a picture. I can discover all these things out when I log on, when a little flag pops up and notifies me.

20 e-mails less a day, and I'll be free.

Except, now my inbox is empty. And that is just depressing.

Eyeliner & Cigarettes

2009-06-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

I enjoy waking up early.

But only if I have to.

I especially enjoy jobs that require me to rise early, but leave me with nothing to do for the rest of the day. Usually I get up early, drink too much caffeine, and then I'm stuck in the mode of being productive.

I don't know why I'd think for a moment that you'd care.

Anyway, I'm working just a few more hours and then I'll go to the gym for a few hours.

Maybe then I'll get kidnapped to bake for Casey. But who knows.

Turn the lights out.

2009-06-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's a hotdog ring you're looking at.

I got it on Saturday at the Renegade craft fair. It's by Three Story Design check them out.

It's been great to see a lot of old faces these days. Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of us are stuck on talking about the past. It's almost as though the best days are behind us, even though I know it isn't necessarily true. Life is at a standstill, and it's like I'm waiting in-between stages. Surrounded by rejection notices and worried about the future.

I have no idea what to do with my life. Today, tomorrow, next year... It's all a severely unpredictable haze.

I guess I'll call home and take a nap. When I wake up, maybe the sun will be out.

She's She and We're Her

2009-06-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

I want to be Lady Gaga when I grow up.

This blog will be brief since I'm craving a banana chocolate vivanno from Starbucks.

Russ and I are starting a music project entitled Her. Yesterday we spray and splatter-painted a mannequin. Sometime in the next week we'll have a design meeting with our backup dancers and Head of Wardrobe, Kristen.

Which brings me to my new topic: Summer Projects.

They are:

- The Music Project: Her

- My autobiography and true coming of age tale, How to Throw Parties and Impress People

- Maybe a sequel to K-Hawk: The Musical... K-Hawk: Escape from Staten Island

Summer Reading? Plenty.

*Re-Reading I Am Not Myself These Days

* Front Row (Anna Wintour's Biography)

* How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

& others, and I hope I can find Big Wigs: Straight Girl in a Drag World

Goals:

Save $$

Find Apartment

Enjoyyyyyyyy

It was here I realized that my legs are a completely different [whiter] than the rest of my body.

"What is it with you and drag queens?"

2009-05-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

I really really want those. They're $90.... Do I add them to my collection?

They'd go nicely with my 7.5" heels.

Everyone go here and vote!

Woo!

This post is rated G.

For Gay.

There is something called an away message.

2009-05-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

I used to be obsessed with this show.

I guess that's when the gay man inside of me began to sprout.

Speaking of gay:

Some summer reading, donated by a friend of a friend at the end of the school year.

I just started reading but I'll keep y'all sorta updated like I did last summer.

Also, maybe I'll start a blog for my autobiography chapters (since, let's face it, they won't be published for at least ten years... when I'm super famous).

It's called How To Throw Parties & Impress People.

I know I'm an asshole, there's no need to remind me.

Je vous suivrai jusqu'à ce que vous m'aimiez.

2009-05-22T07:03:00.001-07:00

Post #2 of the summer. Expect one more before the day is out.

We're alumni!!!

After looking through last years posts, I figured it might be a good idea to add a few more pictures and a list of goals I'll set for summer.

- Have fun.

- Get off campus.

.....That's all I got right now.

Here are my best friends:

But, I'm a Hawk...

2009-05-22T06:44:00.001-07:00

Last summer, around this time, I started this blog with absolutely no intentions on continuing it. Happy almost-first birthday, blog!

Last summer, around this time, I was visiting Cole at his job here in A18. Now, I'm here, and it's now my job to be here from 9AM - 10PM.

Did I mention I graduated college a week ago?

This summer, I have no idea where I'll be in September. I had grandiose plans of going to Hawaii, Boston or even Seattle. Which is great and all, but I don't think I'm ready to be completely alone yet.

This summer, I'm taken it easy. I'll still make a few bucks and hopefully by the end of July I'll be setting up a career for myself. If not, I'll blame the economy.

I just pinched my arm between my desk & office chair. It fucking hurts.

Above: K-Hawk: The Musical

Here: Summer of Hawk: Part 2

I just want to graduate....

2009-04-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

Do you believe that there was an anti-homosexual demonstration on my campus Monday?

Yea, neither do I. And I was there!

So, basically the last month has been just trying to figure out what I am doing with the next three months of my life. I can't see past September and for now that's okay for me. I've been trying to enjoy every last moment left. Culture Shock 2009 was a huge success and so was Zombie Prom.

8 more assignments left as an ungrad... Sounds like a lot, but it really isn't.

But guess what? K-Hawk: The Musical is really happening. Who would have thunk?

Life is good, I think. Weird... But good.

Let's hope it keeps up for a little while.

Porch Parties... Every Night.

Ne me quitte pas.

2009-04-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

Last night, somewhere along the crossroads of serious and wasted, I because really really nostalgic.

So, Seriously Wasted, I walked from the PAC to the Olde, from the Olde to the Commons and back again. "Feeling the music" here and there and cherishing the last moments I have here. As much as I would love to stay in college forever, I can't, and it really is time for me to move on. The past few months I've experienced my last Fall Fest, Purchase Prom, Zombie Prom.. this coming weekend brings Culture Shock. Although I will be back next year for Fall Fest, Zombie Prom and even Culture Shock... I know it won't be the same.

Oh, and my last show I will direct and be in in this school? It's about myself. How appropriate.

If the stiletto fits.

Well Known Fact

2009-03-22T22:50:00.003-07:00

I am incapable of keeping the same hair style for longer than 4 weeks.

Well...

2009-03-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

From left to right: Cole, myself, and Al.

I did not finish my musical, just yet.

But almost.

Right now I am writing you from my second favorite Starbucks on Staten Island. I would say I left Purchase out of boredom but it was moreso out of loneliness.. None of my friends were around..

And now I intended on finishing my first draft of my musical, writing some of my senior project, and picking up some easter candy at CVS.

C'est ma vie.

Today..

2009-03-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

QUEEN LAQUEEFA

Are you eating?

BOY 2

It’s gum.

THE QUEEN is baffled.

BOY 2

I’m burning calories.

EVERYONE backs away.

THE QUEEN glares at him.

THE QUEEN

I’ll let it slide. But if you swallow that gum… So help me Cher.

BOY 2 gets down on all fours.

THE QUEEN

(Sighs.) You’ll be wearing sweatpants.

EVERYONE GASPS.

THE QUEEN

For a month.

MORE GASPS.

THE QUEEN

From Target.

SCREAMS. BOY 3 FAINTS.

I'll finish my musical.

By the time I go to bed.

Heart on sleeve.

2009-03-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

It feels good to put a pause on life.

Spring Break is in full effect. I've done nothing but eat an entire pizza by myself, sat around with friends, ordered wings and lemonade, made cake and watch porn. I worked at the PAC today for four hours, but I hardly call that work. I'm taking a mental break from life.

Tonight calls for a sandwich, coffee, friends and wine. My four favorite things in life. Thursday I'm going home so I will get my fifth favorite thing in my life: family. I miss my cousins like crazy. I haven't been home for longer than two hours in two months.

I graduate college in two more months, btw.

This is scary for many reasons but I'm trying to be more excited about it. I'm done with academia. I applied to be my class' senior speaker. I hope I get it. I hope I enjoy the next two months because absolutely nothing after May 15th 2009 is set in stone.

I like Spring Break so much because it almost feels like summer. And I love summer, warm weather and friends.

Stiletto Alberto Cabana = Coolest fish ever.

That's all she wrote.

Je veux danser avec toi.

2009-03-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

Greetins from the Procrastination Station.

If it were any other week prior to this one, I would have work in two hours. Except this week I informed my manager at Starbucks that I will not be returning. The primary reason for this being I need to free up my schedule to be able to do schoolwork. Without more free time, 2- credits will be the death of me.

Bottom line: I would like to graduate.

K-Hawk: The Musical's set date is May 9th at 8PM. The location will be Theater X or the Student Center in event of rain. Hopefully, there will be no rain. The play is a lot less narcissistic than it sounds. For those of you planning to attend: check your brain at the door. There is no deep meaning or ambition mission of the show. I'm just doing because I want to. It'll be fun.

Tentative date for auditions? April 2nd at 7PM. Pencil that in, folks.

Tomorrow I have a 20-sentence French Composition due and a 1,000-word/Presentation due for Communicating Quantitive Information. Which MIGHT be fun since I just changed my topic to... food! Holler. So right now I'm procrastinating because I'm a waste of life.

I've added three important things to my daily routine: masturbation, tea, and going to the gym. This so far has proven to give me a simpler piece of mind. I will keep you posted.

I also go to sleep between 11PM-1AM every night. Sleep is key.

Qui suis-je?

Well, then.

2009-02-24T07:01:00.000-08:00

It's a shame when you're living your last semester at ungrad and you're just trying to get by.

I know I will miss this place. It's just incredibly hard to realize it when this place makes itself so hard to miss. I'm not going to miss the idiots, I'm not going to miss the assholes, and I'm not going to miss a few handful of people.

I've been very busy but I've been able to manage. I can only function when I'm overwhelmingly busy. I thought this semester was going to be a hundred times better than what it is shaping itself out to be.

I'm confused but I'm not at all.

But I am.

Hello, world.

2009-01-12T11:17:00.000-08:00

A week ago, I had sent in my resume to 2 internships advertisements on playbill.com on a whim. I had no real expectation on receiving an internship; I just wanted to throw something out there and see what came back. 11AM the next morning, I receive a call and an interview on Friday for an internship at stagedoorconnections.com. On Friday, I receive that internship on the spot.

Keep in mind I still have no clue how I will manage 3 jobs, 1 internship, 1 class and a decent social life. I'm sure I will be fine.

So upon receiving this internship, I realize that this probably means I will have a job when I graduate college. It means I am really moving off this island, for good. I have completely mixed feelings but the majority of them are good. This could be it: the foot in the door. Or it won't be... Whatever it is, it pretty much just landed on my lap and I have good feelings about it.

I go back to school on Thursday? I have a lot to do.

Just crossing my fingers..

And whatever I do: keep breathing.... In.. And out...

ps. that picture was Lady GaGa and Lady Starlight. And a shout out to Fritz for Culture Shock 09 ideas.

Let's be real folks.

2009-01-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

So I have one week remaining to my last winter break.

Apparently, I have an interview for an internship for this semester tomorrow. Hopefully this may mean a career opportunity in the future but that might be thinking too far ahead. As for now, I have to figure out my last semester of college. And how I'm going to balance time for work and some serious play. I really want to spend time with as many people as much as I can because I really don't think I'm going to be that senior that comes back every week.

Culture Shock: What do I wear? Something ultra shiny and expensive-looking? I say yes.

These days are going to fly by so fast. We have to make the best of it. Seriously.

We can be best friends forever if you recognize both ladies in the picture.

2,000 & Mine

2009-01-04T09:18:00.000-08:00

2009 has been off to a strange start to say the least.

Let's see, started off the new year right with just Casey and a mini-keg. Spontaneously went to a party. Drank a whole friggin bunch. Woke up at 8:30AM because Casey had work, and was still drunk. After leaving her house at 11am, I met up with Lauren at Grand Central at 2. Which means I spent about 3 hours being a complete zombie in public. Exhausted and slightly hungover.

Although I believed I would come home to rest, I ended up going to the D'urso's house as soon as I got home. We were there until 8, and that's when we called it a night. Friday was spent with my uncle and at the apple store because of an accidental computer-dropping. Friday night was spent with good friends, avocados at 2am and cherry brandy in the upper west side. Saturday? Journey from uws to the si mall and back home at 4pm. Waking up to an unfamiliar scarf and McDonalds breakfast... amazing. Although, I want my old scarf back :(.

ANYWAY, I woke up SICK on Saturday. So this week will be spent writing my musical and getting ready for an audition in two weeks.

There is a lot of alcohol in this Theraflu. Or "warming" solution. Whatever.

This post is totally boring.

2008, I'll miss you.

2008-12-31T08:14:00.000-08:00

You were the gayest. In the best way.

This new years will be spent with half of my 4 core. Snowstorms in the east prevent Lauren from coming down until tomorrow. This stinks.. Mostly for her because she is the one stuck in CT for New Years Eve. I leave for Portchester in the hour.

In 2009, I plan on just doing. And live.

We out.

Merry Christmas from island named after the bastard son of the king.

2008-12-23T09:04:00.000-08:00

Did you know? Santa is from the Island of Staten as well. I met him with Samantha this morning and the guy sounded just like a native. I never knew such a generous person would have come from such a hole like this.. But lo and behold!

I am ashamed to say that I haven't had the holiday spirit this year. I don't know what it is but I've worn my Santa hat once and albeit I spent more than 16 hours in that thing - and even worke up for work in it - that's the only time I wore it. We had our annual potluck and I woke up at 6am for work wearing the dress/outfit I wore the night before. I was also a little drunk still, I think.

Remember when you first went away to college and you kept seeing people from your high school but realized it wasn't them? After time, the reverse is true. Only you also see people from your high school and it IS actually them. And you have to say hi to them, and ask them how they are doing and what are they doing with their lives now. You have to do this for everyone, even your old enemies, and after three days and about 15 people it gets tiring.

But it does feel good to see people from high school and have the same goals you had before. Nope, I did not succumb to fear of being poor.. I still want to act. You're going to business school even though you wanted to sing? I will say that is great but what I really want to say is how bad I feel for you and that I hope you do not end up an old sad person wishing they did something else with their life.

SPEAKING OF CAREER GOALS: I am applying to graduate school. HOW SCARY is that!? I had a mini-panic attack today at my baby cousin's church sing along thing. I have to prepare 4 monologues and get my headshots together all before January 10th. If u seek amy.

I do also need to work on K-Hawk: The Musical.

All said and done, Christmas is still my favorite holiday. And I need to stop procrastinating.

MWAH

There you have it, proof Santa is a guido

If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.

2008-12-14T06:42:00.000-08:00

Reporting from Staten Island, and I have work in Purchase in 4 hours. Could I teleport there in time?

You betcha.

I am now applying to NYU Tisch and The New School for Drama for a MFA in Acting. Wish me luck. I won't need it... I applied for acting programs 4 years ago and failed. This was because I did not want/need it enough. I need to go into it with a completelt different mindset.

January I do a 1-man-1-woman show just because I can.

Last week of the semester. Time to tell the truth.

An All-Prime Low.

2008-12-12T16:22:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I thought I was past my prime. Being 21 years old, this is incredibly depressing to realize/think. I was caught up on Facebook checking myself out in old pictures. I mean, how was I NOT at my prime. I mean, I was hot and hanging with the new kids.

Cut to today, and what do I have? a 9cm gash in my leg from vogueing in the mirror and 6 months left of college. Old alone and done-for? Maybe. But I guess this would have been my quarter-life crisis. Arielle said all I need a motorcycle and a younger man.

But I totally realized, I'm sort of the same person. More or less.
Life doesn't always go the way you plan it. But at least you will always have yourself.

Popular and glamourous we love ourselves and no one else.

2008-12-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

So I decided that in August I'm moving to Hawaii.

Until then, I have to bulk up my resume as much as possible. So in May, I'll go to bartending school. I'll get as much money as I can working up here and then hop on a plane and pretty much just be home for Christmas.

Rewind to today. I just get home from Orlando Florida. Within 3 hours of being back last night I almost get into a fight with three people. I have a daunting task list of not too many things but just a few really really important things. I have to apply to the New School by Friday so that I don't have to worry about it over the break. The only thing delaying me is my lack of inspiration for my personal statement and my headshot.

I have to decide if I want to go home to decorate the Christmas tree this year. I hate that this season has been haunted by past year's memories. This is my favorite season and I feel emotionally unable to enjoy it for multiple reasons.

Everyone is sick. Including myself.

On a less-than-serious note, I got drunk in Epcot Thursday night and fell in Italy because I thought there was a step there. I had terrible hot chocolate and a flight that was delayed in the air Friday. Flying in circles waiting to land is probably my least favorite thing in the world.

I do not like boats. Or planes. Or driving fast, for that matter. Trains are nice but take too long.

On the more positive note, I enjoy traveling a great deal so I guess my fears/level of uncomfortable won't ever stop me.

This post is a splattering of tangents. Woe.

Life after the party.

2008-11-20T06:44:00.000-08:00

It is more than half way through November. I have not updated since Halloween.

My Halloween was an adventure and I traveled to and fro many different places and saw many different things. I also was in bed by 2, and vomiting into a Huggies baby wipe container. The next morning was spent on my bathroom floor. A spot I feel will be a staple of this month.

November, the month I hit rock bottom. The month I otherwise felt the top. The month a black man won the American Presidential election. By a landslide.

My senior project went incredibly well. We sold out, twice, and all my friends and family that mattered were there. The after party was intense. The day after was rough and spent napping with a roll of toilet paper under my head for a pillow. Followed by vomiting in a cup at a diner.

I am currently working on my application for the Acting graduate program at the New School. I had an appointment with Shanaz at 9am, that was cancelled at 8:45am. I have been having more "Senior Moments" than I can handle. I am having crushes where they do not belong. I am wearing the same thing two days in a row..

But I'm wearing nice-smelling deodorant. And at least I am clean.

I am Lady GaGa.

2008-10-31T07:26:00.000-07:00

How to Throw Parties and Impress People.

2008-10-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

Four-hour-naps, especially when they're during what should be your Math class, feel very very nice.

I am not sure if I mentioned that I bought an iPhone a while back, but I should mention that it has been the best $200 I have ever spent. There is almost nothing that phone can't do, and texting drunk only gets easier.

This weekend was bit of an adventure. I had nothing in particular planned and everything in particular planned all at once. I saw tons of people and went all over and it was well-rounded. It took a few unexpected turns and I did a few unexpected things. This paragraph is vague but so was my weekend.

Halloween is this weekend and I have no plans. By "no plans", I mean I cannot decide what to do. It depends on how I feel on Friday, and where I want to strut my Lady GaGa costume. Whose album comes out tomorrow/tonight at 12am. You all should buy it.

The election is next week. Go out and vote.

I'm going to have a glass of wine and do my French homework now.

Bon Week-End.

2008-10-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

Kate Nash may write most of my days, but I like to think GaGa might write my nights.

Working at a rate of at least 24 hours a week, in addition to a senior project and being a full-time student I deserve a crazy weekend every once in a while. Last weekend was subpar, unlike the weekend before which was off the 1999 meat-rack.

Did that paragraph make sense? I didn't think so.

I have no idea what is in store for tonight so I am setting my expectations and standards low. Usually a night that starts out like this will result in me dressed up with no place to go in particular, not knowing where anyone is. We shall see.

This blog is such a downer later, I hope the next entry has something NICE to say.

Well I guess there is one thing:

I am myself these days.

Asking for your telephone number seems highly inappropriate...

2008-10-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Once again Kate Nash sings the story of my life. This week's selection, "We Get On."

It is incredibly interesting how situations can be immensely more fragile than the people involved. In the end it doesn't matter who did it but what was done. Neither person can detect the fragility until it cracks and breaks and there's a realization and the other shoe drops.

I have had an interesting two weeks.

I am going to write a book. It will be called "How to Throw Parties and Impress People." It will not be a How-To guide but an autobiography about my college life. This will be my claim to fame, by selling this to kids in high school wondering what college is like. Only my book won't really tell them anything besides the fact that I may or may not be out of my mind. (I am.) Then I will release a self-titled album and go to all the cool parties in the real world.

Speaking of the real world, I went home to Staten Island from Sunday morning until this afternoon. My family is really great but being home was weirder than ever. My room isn't my room anymore; they turned it into a laundry room. The lights do not work, and none of my stuff is there. I spent 3 hours looking through old memory boxes and drawers. Picked up some clothing I could wear now and not be embarrassed by.

On the train home I reflected on this weekend and a few facts hit me harder than I expected. I am not comfortable to publish these on the internet just yet, but I will soon.

I have work at 6am.

I also have reason to believe I was bit by another Lyme Diseased tick.

That's it.

In the morning she'd wake up and crouch recollections all day.

2008-10-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

The picture above is not a photo/graphic of me.

IM'd to me by Al, something he "stumbled upon" it last night and I awoke to it this morning. I guess it's the glasses and the hair but it's a little crazy. And one confusing way to wake up.

I have to wake up even earlier than my 8AM Starbucks shift in order to open the theater for Admissions. I thought after summer, my waking up early for Admissions days were over.. Wrong City. And speaking of work, some may be finding it difficult to keep track of my many jobs. Here is a concise list of jobs I have currently:

- Head Usher for the Performing Arts Center (8hrs/wk)

- Barista for Starbucks (12hrs/wk)

- Community Assistant for Office of Reslife (8+hrs/wk)

- Intern for the Humanities Theater (2hrs/wk)

Got it? Good. Now you'll never be confused. Just me.. I'm probably supposed to be at some shift right now.

I enjoy new friends and photos I have difficulty in remembering.

Despite me being under the weather, Fall Fest was a great success and Wale was Da Bomb. I woke up freezing in my single and was rescued by a trip to Lenny's Bagels with Henry, Lauren, and Adrian. Apparently, the night before I yelled at Adrian... no idea why. Saturday night was Tame Sauce with a side of going to bed early.

Now, hopefully, tomorrow I will be purchasing an iPhone. If my family is generous enough to let me put it on their plan. We shall see. If not, I may or may not be stuck with this crackberry.

The big raffle is next week. Look out.

Je suis malade.

2008-10-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

The only times I'm sick, it seems, is when I have something to look forward to in which I cannot be sick for. (IE winter training, Culture Shock, Fall Fest.) I took off of work tomorrow in order to enjoy the day and am completely under the weather. Today I would have liked to go White Plains to buy things I actually need, except I don't have a car, no one else does or has time and I really should not be on the free bus.

Except, I noticed I won't have time for another week to do this.

I have also recently become addicted to Starbucks' Signature Hot Chocolate.

That's it.

Halloween '08.

2008-09-29T10:03:00.001-07:00

I think, after the year I had, no costume could be more perfect.

The old Olde.

2008-09-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

I suppose there comes a time in every college students life, where, in a crowded room you take a look around and you think:

"Who the hell are you people?!"

And there I stood, second floor of an Olde duplex, in tres chic dress from American Apparel wondering just who all these people are. There once was an age when I knew everyone at a party, they were happy to see me, and my drinks could be free. Except, I'm a senior and all my friends have graduated, all these people are younger than me, and of course no one knows who I am if I won't bother talking to them.

Not saying I should, just sayin'.

I guess this means it's time to graduate.

When I'm quiet people usually thing I'm sad. And usually I am.

2008-09-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

I think Kate Nash is my musical soul mate. It's silly but I can relate to almost every one of her songs. Plus, she's really cute. You should all listen to "Don't you want to share the guilt?" because it is a wonderful song.

This weekend was odd. One of those weekends where you walk around simply unhappy and things cheer you up to the point of becoming overwhelmed and it was just up and down all weekend. I had hair mistake 2008 on Friday but that was rectified and my hair is a dark red [again]. I saw my family, and my cousins. They are the coolest children in the universe, I only wish I could see them more.

I want to get so much accomplished with my time. I feel there is no time to do this all. Homework, reading, rehearsals, side projects.

I don't watch tv for two reasons: A. I could be doing something more productive with that time and B. I don't ever find anything that interesting. Plus, I always forget. Which I guess could be C.

I really thought this summer and school year would be a boxed set of eras in my life but they are completely separated. School's been in for almost a month and I still do not have an excellent grasp of what is going on. But I am pretending. Well.

Today my room inspection said, "Almost failed for 5inch hookerboots."

Actually, they're 7 inches.

J'adore mullet.

2008-09-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

I guess I have nothing of importance to say.

Since summer has been over, there haven't been as many interesting adventures with my friends. I guess that is the most important part of the summer I can safely say I miss. I miss just being around the people I love and feeling no need to entertain anybody (although I will admit just my antics did amuse people).

I talked to Lauren about this last night and I feel that this year has been acting as a conclusion to my college career. This makes sense because, duh, it is. But I feel it each and every day and I see these things concluding themselves and it is just really strange to see. Been there, done that, won't have to do that again. Everything is coming full circle.

I need to really start applying to grad schools.. once I figure out what it is I'm going to be studying. Directing? Acting? Am I going to Hawaii? If I'm lucky.

I just hope things continue to keep working themselves out.

One more year.

2008-09-09T17:19:00.000-07:00

Mine and Lauren's friendship over four years of college,

as told by a $3 photobooth in White Plains, NY.

I have never been so busy like this in all my life. Today, I realized that there is a difference in being busy over schoolwork and meaning crap and stuff that will shape your life. This semester I will be dealing with grad apps, senior project/production stuff, and narrowing down places I want to live in a year. This is incredibly exciting and scary all at once. I'm working like crazy, learning Francais, and trying to put a production together.

I had a meeting with my therapist today that was kind of more telling than ever, even though at the time I feel we talked about nothing of importance.

I think this semester will be interesting. At least, I hope it is.

"Uhm. Naive melody. This must be the place.

2008-09-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

To conclude the best summer of my life, I helped put on a show in a proffesional theater, with a cast of 70 people, to a audience of 1,000+ people and an original script. The buzz of RA Vue still hasn't stopped and I am so proud. The summer went out with a bang.

I never did cut or dye my hair but I guess I will eventually. This semester will be very busy for me. I hope it's half as good as this summer at least. Since Cole has left, it seems like we all feel it. I never knew a Purchase College without at least one of the first upperclassmen [better known as icons] I met.

"It's weird being the only upperclassmen, having no one to look up to. Because now, some freshmen are going to look up to us. And for what? All we do is drink and do nothing. Jokes on them. Then again, when we were freshmen, our icons just drank and did nothing. So I guess the joke was on us. It's a vicious circle of drinking and doing nothing."

This year should be interesting.

Help.

2008-08-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of summer.

First order of business:

What should I do with my hair for the upcoming semester? I am thinking of going short with it, but I am afraid I will quickly regret the decision. I'll be cutting it tomorrow afternoon before RA training officially begins.

But right now it is a straggly mess:

I am thinking go short and bring the turquoise back. Maybe go a darker blonde. Thoughts?

Second order of business:

Today I officially became a certified barista. This means I am officially certified to make you a latte.

Third: I thought my boots came today. I was sorely disappointed when I saw a small box containing scripts for my senior project on the other side of the counter. Tomorrow is the day.

Last but not least, tonight is the last night of the summer. Today I will be painfully busy and will do my hardest to keep my stress level down. So far it isn't working. Too much to do and too little time.

Let's Recap.

2008-08-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

Summer is officially , completely winding down. I can officially declare this the best summer I have ever had. I have learned so much and gained so many friends and opportunities. I became extremely close to a few people that I am incredibly happy to call a "best friend" now.

I went to the beach, city, pride, three states I haven't been to before, a city upstate I haven't been to before, I had great times with friends, I got into really epic arguments, I set my life in order, figured myself out, and have an idea of what I want to do when I leave college.

This summer's worth to me is infinite and I will never forget it or the people. There were some really tough times but my friends' ability to help each other through never failed to amaze me. I am truly blessed to live the life I do with my friends. I hope this never changes.

I started my new job for the semester Monday:

It's a job I wanted when I was a teen, and I believe it is well worth it. I get unlimited coffee and baked goods. Granted, both will get me fat. Since I never lost weight this summer I am counting on stress to thin me out this coming semester.

Also: large headphones make you look (feel) cooler.

While summer is pretty much over, I still have a few things to look forward to over the next few weeks. RA training is always a blast, and RA Vue will be amazing this year. Soon after I hit the ground running with three jobs, a senior project, two classes and two internships. I will be busy but I think I have mastered the art of balancing this all with personal life. I want my senior year in college be the best I can.

I will be happy whether I like it or not. I cannot afford better or worse. Grad school, here I come.

27 Roaches.

2008-08-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

I just dropped a whole lot of money on these.

I almost moved into my new apartment. We have roaches, but my space is small and cozy and I like it. I also have no internet. Hopefully this will be fixed soon. I will upload when I can.

I have been reading the book, it is about a drug addict going through rehab. Very interesting.

Summer is pretty much over so Ill have a recap within the week. Until then, I have work at 6:30AM. At Starbucks. Yep.

My life this summer.

2008-08-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

I am myself these days.

2008-08-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Next week is the last week of summer.

I have big plans for the next week. First order of business, tonight I buy new bed-sheets (color: brown) and these headphones (finally). Also, a coffee maker and a new hamper. I set a budget that I have to follow because I'm opening a savings account this weekend and will be seeing Spring Awakening soon. Next week, I will also hit Seredipity's.

Tomorrow I move into my apartment in the Olde. I really hate packing but I really like changing my location once in a while. I think I can remedy this by decreasing all the crap I own.

I think I should be doing RPRs or something. I want lunch but I don't know what... So I'll wait until dinner.

Look at this MUHZZ:

One of those days.

2008-08-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my good friend, Cole, I have been hooked on and actually reading a book past Chapter 5. Finally, a book I can read this summer. Kilmer-Purcell also has another book in which I've grabbed and will be starting once I complete this one. By the end of the day.

Ever wake up in the middle of the night, think about what you're doing the next day, and come to conclude that the next day will be weird. I experienced that last night. Today hasn't been weird but almost everything has been inconvenient. I'm going home in Staten Island at 1 to enjoy the summer Olympics. I should not, however, be heading home since I have an apartment to pack up. But I don't care, that will be done anyway.

Fortunately I get paid on Thursday and hope this will be a big sum of money. But I'm not holding my breath.

The past week has been nothing but silly nights and Lauren breaking our "Olympic Torch." I look forward to tonight, which will entail me and a tub of Italian Ice and the Olympics.

I wish I had more to write in this blog but honestly the summer has died down immensely. We've been doing nothing short of trying to make the best of our time here and hoping the summer never ends.

I also really want to save up so when I graduate I can move here:

So of course in the fall I'll be working more jobs than I can handle. That's okay, I guess.

Ok, I have work to do. I hope it stops raining. It always rains when I go home.

Uhm.

2008-08-06T10:08:00.001-07:00

This is where I need to go.

Maybe it's just me.

2008-08-04T21:54:00.000-07:00

I sometimes think that I'm the only one reading this. Which is fine, I know, because as long as this is around in a year when I am in immense turmoil to remind me of how great my life once was, it's okay. And it's okay to be vain, sometimes. Or at least in the case, so I can have some record of how I used to be.

For example, two years ago I looked like this:

A wee bit different.

More nostalgia later, when my laptop has power.

Summer.

2008-08-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wake up not knowing where my things are. I never panic: I have friends who will keep track of my things for me. Yesterday I woke up not sure where my phone was, but was graced by Casey's presence, at my window, my phone in her hand, telling me to put my shirt on. An hour later, after hearing me vom in the bathroom, Liz makes me rice without me asking her.

I think I have waited my whole life to have friends like these.

After hearing about the 8th death of this summer alone, I thought that I really do not know what I would do if I lost any of these people. I do not think I could fit in anywhere better than I do Purchase. I leave this behind in a year. The thought really scares me.

But, for now, I will have movie nights, cupcakes, homemade sushi, and write plays with people who mean the most to me. That's really special.

In other news, I really want these boots:

Also, I think I found out recently what it is like to "fall into something." You know, like, when someone has a career and they say "I don't know how I got into it, I just fell into it and here I am." Somehow, all I will be doing until next May is directing things. At least four projects. That's cool, right?

In short: This summer is kicking my ass in the best and worst way.

The Gay Apocolypse.

2008-07-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that Sable's mother found out that my friend Mikey, a friend from Staten Island, was gay.. And was so outraged by this that she was calling people telling them to commit suicide. In a manner that convinced them that life was not worth living anymore. All because he was gay.

SO:

=

But seriously, I had a dream that because my friend was GAY that everyone had to DIE according to my friends MOTHER. What?

Basically, in my dream, a few friends and I had moved to Philidelphia after graduating. I was on the train from Phili to New York City for a day trip. Russel and Fritz were also on the train and Cole was going to pick me up in New York to drive me back to Phili at the end of the day.

On the dream, I recieve a phone call from Sable's Mom (apparently the only other non-gay character other than myself in the dream) ranting about how terrible it is that Mikey is gay and that life is not worth living. I hang up on the crazy lady, and convince Fritz (but not Russel) to come into the city with me (they were going to go someplace in Jersey instead).

Minutes later, a guy on the train gets this phone call and proceeds to try and jump out of the train in order to commit suicide. I then freak out and grab him, yelling about how life is worth living. The guy stays on train. At some point, someone sets themself on fire. The train then starts to enter New York, and we see neighborhoods burning. I'm uneasy about entering the city.

We do so anyway, and end up in some store that sells I don't know what. This turns into an action sequence I barely remember. But all I do is that Cole shows up at this point in the dream.

I then wake up to my phone alarm going off. It is time for work and my phone is playing George Michael's, "Freedom."

Right as rain.

2008-07-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

The past few days has been doing nothing in particular with good friends. I went home for a hot second to Staten Island, because I really missed my family and they will be away for the next few days. I use the term "home" loosely because, honestly, when I was there... I didn't feel like I lived there anymore, at all.

I came back Friday night because I was under the impression that I would have to do at least 30 checkouts Saturday morning. Of course, I did one checkout in the morning. Tomorrow I rise at 5am to on the island for a friend's father's funeral.

I dreamed last night that I was in Maine with my friends and did not want to leave. So, much, in fact, that I was crying. A turtle crossing the road was also featured in this dream. I'm not sure what this means.

This week I have nothing planned, except getting cash money on Thursday... Speaking of plans...

Cole and I plan on making dance music together sometime real soon. It will be sure to blow your mind and make your heels grow four inches. Plus, your skin will grow neon.

So of course, I use the picture where he looks like George Michael and I look like Cyndi Lauper.

I miss the school bus.

2008-07-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

This summer has been quite the prequel to my senior year of college.

Maine was absolutely incredible. The view of pine trees and beach blew my mind a little bit, in a very good way. We stayed at a cabin the Cole's family owns and rents out. There was just a bunch of random trinkets and stories/pictures of Cole's childhood. This year seems to be the year of learning more about my friends' past. Everyone in Maine is nice, and everything is cheap. 14 lobsters for $70. Nuff said.

I feel like the past few months I have become closer with people I couldn't imagine my life without. It's sad that a few of them are graduated, will graduate before me, and live in another country. I don't want this summer to end.

Orientation was a great way to go out. It was the polar opposite of last year and made me proud to be an OL. While nothing will compare to my first year as an OL with all the crazies, I do feel I learned %1,000 more this year. The closing dinner was awesome and at the cheesecake factory. We ordered anything we wanted from the menu.

I have recently been addicted to avocados. And boots.

I am going to miss this kid like crazy. Part of the summer has died due to his return to Mexico.

So I have decided to apply to grad schools near the beach. Where ever I go I want to spend three years tanning covered in sand and have friends visit and have good times.

Music in Starbucks has really been hit or miss. Jeez.

A Good Year to be a Hawk.

2008-07-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

1. I do not believe that Monday/Tuesday is my last Orientation here. But I'll make it worth it.

2. I wish I had more time to write.

3. That is where I'm going Tuesday night through Saturday morn.

The Freshman Year Experience+

2008-07-06T23:19:00.001-07:00

After 5 consecutive days of Orientation Training, I have been giving my first experiences here a great deal of thought. Today, for instance, I was alone hiding in the laundry room during a game of manhunt. And while I pinned myself to the wall holding my breath, I got a flashback to the very first time I was ever there. It was EOP Freshmen Orientation and my roommate had to wash her clothing with VO5 shampoo.

I went for moral support, I guess, and while we were down there two people were already there. One guy and one girl. The guy was incredibly tall, athletic-ish build with long brown hair. I don't remember what the girl looked like. I thought they must have been athletes on campus or something. Little did I know they were current students here to be Orientation Leaders. Little did I know I would be an OL a year later, and most importantly littler did I know that this tall, athletic-ish Italian, Cole, would become someone I consider a best friend three years in the future.

Yes, it has really been three years.

This tiny flashback to an seemingly insignificant moment in my life lead me to think about how significant every moment has been since I left home to create a new one. College was so intimidating three years ago. I could not grasp the idea of just leaving at 3am and not having to tell anyone where I was going. I was unable to predict how big of an impact these people would have on my life. I procrastinated connections with people who now mean the most to me.

I can hardly believe how me and Lauren met. It was by random, fate, that made us friends. She was literally just walking down the hall when I decided to introduce myself. She was quiet with a terrible perm, I was loud with a terrible wardrobe. But we liked Wicked and that was that.

Tomorrow marks my 4th year here during orientation, my third as an OL.. and my last. I have no idea what next summer holds but I'm okay with that because three years I didn't know if I'd like it here, if I'd stay, who I'd meet and if I'd like them. Fortunately in my case, I love it here and have met and loved everyone I could. I wish I could stay. When I applied to college I did not realize that it wasn't a destination; it's merely a passage. I do not know where that passage goes and that's okay.

Wall-E was even better the second time around.

2008-07-03T21:56:00.001-07:00

Orientation is keeping me busy.

Go Green.

Here's how.

Oh.

2008-06-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

And nothing I ever do comes out right.

Do it again.

2008-06-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

Yea, this weekend was okay.

Friday night was a complete s-show. Saturday was a pretty mellowed-out day. I saw Wall-E which was the best movie I have seen all year, so I really recommend you go see it. It's beautiful and perfectly done.. and somehow political? I'd see it again.

Sunday was pride and it was all kinds of amazing. Probably the only parade it CAN rain on and people be excited about it. I made homemade Oreos, too.

So today is pretty mellow, but tomorrow is the first day of Orientation essentially. It's my last one. Makes me feel weird.

Go see it. It will be well worth the posible $15 you spend on. (What is WITH the price of movies these days, anyway?)

My back/body hurts. This is rotten.

In memory of..

2008-06-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am a mess.

This morning Kristin was scared by a squirrel running with a plastic bag. I guess you had to be there. I got paid from the PAC yesterday. $$Cash Money$$

Let me see that fancy footwork.

2008-06-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

Amazing video.

Last night was kind of great. Henry climbed a tree. I had cheese fries from the Star Diner. I look forward to this weekend as long as it holds up to its pseudo promise to be amazing. Today I work at the PAC but after I do laundry and go to the gym.

Pride is Sunday. I can't wait.

And everytime we fight I know it's not right.

2008-06-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

My next large-ish investment.

Right after chic headphones.

Speaking of being chic, yesterday I picked up this book:

I just started to read it now... and it is kind of like the toned-down Skinny Bitch for going green. Just started & we'll see how that goes.

Basically this entry is just spam since I do not have anything new to post. Yesterday was kind of boring. I went to work, went off campus, came back, hung around.. I haven't gone to the gym the last few days which is really bad since I just had two of those jumbo cookies again and some fries.

Someone brainwash me, plz?

Last night I had a strangely good dream. I woke up feeling well-rested and in a good mood. I felt threatened by bunnies on my way to work.

I'm just hoping for a great weekend.

Irony.

2008-06-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

i·ro·ny Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -nies.
1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.
2. Literature.
a. a technique of indicating, as through character or plot development, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated.
b. (esp. in contemporary writing) a manner of organizing a work so as to give full expression to contradictory or complementary impulses, attitudes, etc., esp. as a means of indicating detachment from a subject, theme, or emotion.
3. Socratic irony.
4. dramatic irony.
5. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
6. the incongruity of this.
7. an objectively sardonic style of speech or writing.
8. an objectively or humorously sardonic utterance, disposition, quality, etc.
9. my life

Shut up and let me go.

2008-06-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

Today my headphones bit it while I was at the gym. So I am headphone-less until next Thursday, when I get paid and can buy new headphones. I want cool, colorful, chic headphones. Sort of like this:

Not that I really have the money. But the good part is that I've been going to the gym every day it is open for almost week now... I have been napping a whole lot too.

I work at the PAC in two hours and I have barely a uniform. I only work two days these week, though, and then I'll be working on Orientation for two weeks.

Last night I was on duty and then I went to Adrian's where they were playing video games. But that isnt the best part.. The best part is that I learned that Cole once ran into a raccoon with its head in a jar and he laughed at it. This is hilarious to me because a. I hate raccoons and b. Cole laughed at a defenseless animal as it retreated into the woods... to die.

I bet it looked like this:

Waiting for Mac & Cheese.

2008-06-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

my favorite song.

This weekend was kind of boring except for the fact that I went home on Sunday. Albeit, it did have it's perks:

I sometimes miss going home for the summer. Until I realize how bored I got all the time. But my family is pretty ace.

etc.

I think this is one of the funniest youtube videos I have ever watched:

I read this book this weekend. It did not turn me vegan. As a matter of fact, it didn't gross me out with anything except Splenda. I did not learn anything new about the way they make meat but I learned oodles about the meat industry [USDA, specifically]. Maybe I will read up more. However, I have to say that if I read it again when I have more than just cheese in the house.. maybe I will change my mind. But other than that?

I'm making Mac & Cheese for lunch.

Cyndi Lauper, be my wife.

2008-06-22T06:00:00.001-07:00

I go home for the day, I don't think my g-ma will approve of these shorts.

Fuck.

2008-06-21T08:07:00.001-07:00

I had a dream someone burned all my leggings.

I was so fucking pissed.

Today I dyed my hair.. Typical.

2008-06-20T19:24:00.001-07:00

Before...

...During....

...After. (Looks exactly the same. Excellent. Oh the texture is worse.)

I locked myself out of my room for the first time today. It took me 3 hours to find the master key. Fuck that.

And then this fell on me.

Funny part is: I'd be home if someone would cover my duty tomorrow.

Hawk of the Future

2008-06-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

You're not really reading this, are you?

GRADUATE SCHOOLS AND ACTING AND/OR THEATER

Most Def check YOU out
* Florida State University/Asolo Acting Conservatory
* New School
* NYU/Tisch
* Yale?

Maybe/Most Likely/Why Not
* University of Hawaii at Manoa

I Don't Like You But I'll String You Along Until I'm Sick of You
* Binghamton

I don't want to grow up?

2008-06-19T09:19:00.001-07:00

I'm trying not to write in this so much, so people might actually read it? I don't know, I read my friend's blogs religiously - write more, guys!

Today I worked at Admissions and got paid.. Money in teh bank, bb! Finally. Now I just need to figure out how much money I owe my aunt, and how to make this $70 last two weeks some how.. Hopefully I will get money when I go home. But that isn't why I'm writing.

Getting my masters has been increasingly scary and close as the time goes on. I hardly know where to start.

Working at admissions doesn't help because every Monday and Wednesday I talk to students that are doing basically the same thing I should be doing now - looking at schools. The only two differences (and they are big ones) is that I'm looking for a MFA in theater/acting and they're trying to figure out what they want to "do with their lives" unbeknowst to them... they still won't have a clue in four years.

Something tells me the next year and a half will literally change my life like never before. I will stressed, busy, and terrified. But in the end, I know it will work out and it will be over in a flash so I have to enjoy it. And it all starts with this summer.

Case in point:

I am determined to meet all of my summer goals this year. And to do so, I really have to keep track somehow of what I want to do before I forget something. (IE: I said I wanted to lose 20 lbs but all I have been eating is cookies and hot dogs.) My friends & I need to really buckle down and set dates for all these trips we want to do otherwise they will never happen.

All things considered this summer thusfar has been somewhat productive and I think it can only continue to be even more productive. I need to work on my resume pretty bad since my current one is terribly outdated. I need to figure out a hairstyle/look I want to sell myself to gradschools with. I need to figure out how long it takes for me to eat another jumbo cookie in the room next to this one. I also need to call my father, someone who I haven't talked to since they bought me my mac. I'm an asshole.

Cookie? Sounds good. I'm hitting the gym later.

The vigilantes can't agree on who's in charge.

2008-06-18T15:13:00.000-07:00

So it dawned on me today that I will never get stuck doing something I do not love doing.

First of all, I woke up in a good mood. As soon as I remembered I went to bed in a bad mood, however, I was in a bad mood again. That bad mood was complimented by a stern talking to about my poor attitude, lateness, and general slack off at my admissions job. Basically, I was warned that if it happened again that I would be fired. I left the office, not frightened (I have four jobs, after all) but very pensive about this attitude of mine that I never seem to have anywhere else.

I hate doing office work, which is why I might appear to have an attitude. So it is safe to assume that my attitude has to do with the tasks themselves other than the people. While giving tours, I am at my best because I love doing them. I do not work there for the money but the tours. I think they were surprised when I told them I enjoy the job for whatever reason.

This happened last summer: I worked at SI Yankee Stadium at a poorly run coffee and italian ice stand (Staten Island, go fig.). I hated my job and did not hide it from the managers, fought with costumers who yelled at co-workers, and did not get any hours when I returned from Orientation leading to a summer of poverty. I do not regret it. I would rather get stuck doing something I like to do.

Anyway, today I had to a softball game for a job that I do enjoy thoroughly with my favorite boss, Paul, who I hadn't seen in some time. The game was canceled due to rain, but I did get to hang out with Paul for 20 minutes and walk home/eat these:

I had five cookies for dinner. Healthy lifestyle? Oh yea. It thunderstorms every day in Westchester. You would think I'd be used to it. I'm still terrified. Though, listening to Wicked during a storm is pretty epic, I think.

Oh, last night some non-student came into my apartment and told me that the parking lot near my place was haunted. I shot him down and told him to leave, basically.

(Parking lot in question.)

Tonight is Mike's farewell dinner-thing. I am making really yummy cookies like my mom used to make. Thunder is scary... Gotta run.

"You are just one big bruise." -my therapist.

2008-06-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

I have good-looking friends. Even in candids:

I did not go to the beach. After carefully considering weighing out my options, I realized at my net worth of $0 at the moment, I would be better off making $60 these two days rather than getting to -$80 (which is to say, $20 borrowed for the day/night trip, and the money I would lose from not working). I hadn't made this final decision until the very last minutes I had to be at work at 9AM, after waking up at 9:05AM. Bitterly, I decided I should just go to work.

After arriving $5 down and a half hour late to work, I did nothing for a good half hour until it was time to do a tour... Where I proceeded to do nothing for another half hour until we were scolded by one of our "bosses" to actually get up and do the tours. Don't get me wrong, I love giving tours but I wish that place was a little more organized.

Immediately after the tour, I felt refreshed because it really is nice to feel like you did your best and made people confident in their decision to apply here. Also, I made a few bucks. And since peanut butter and jelly in a jar was my lunch, I considered this a very good thing:

Within an hour of waking from my nap, there was an impromptu dance/birthday party in my apartment. I also burned my mouth on pea soup from a can. [No regrets.] After some cake & banana bread, I head over to my staff meeting where this is Godiva chocolate. In combination of the things mentions plus two nights of guacamole, I now believe there is a God.

Hung out with Adrian on duty, Paulo came by and at 12 we head back to Adrian's where Adrian proceeded to make the apartment reek of Icy Hot and fall asleep on the bean bag in the livingroom where me and Paulo chatted 'til sunrise. On the walk home I really realized how much I love the sunrises here. So nice... and the third sunrise of the summer.

Today was my first day at my fourth job for the summer:

Yes, we had to strike Christmas Decorations leftover from the winter in a gigantic mansion right off campus. It was probably the most pleasant first day of work I ever had. Probably because Keegan Mills wasn't involved and Sheila was. This is her opening a bottle with a flip-flop:

This is becoming a lot longer than I have anticipated and probably a lot more boring than I'd.. want it to be. Kudos to you if you read this. I have to play/organize a softball game tomorrow.. Ill be sure to bring my camera.

I cut my hair Friday night.

I leave you with a drunk candle:

I love this record, baby, but I can't see straight anymore.

2008-06-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

This summer keeps outdoing itself.

Armonk was, as per usual, incredible. Everyone turned into a total bro.

Unfortunately the first night was short-lived and late-nighted. Sabletooth & Henry had to depart far too early.. Just when the seedyness began. Sheila, Casey & Aaron were added to the trailmix of friends. Macaroni salad made by Cole is spectacular. At some point in the night, someone pressed the crazy button and everyone lost their minds. Totally blew Paulo's culture-shocked mind.

I like the way that boy thinks.

Skinny dipping is always a good idea, except in cases when you have blonde hair. Your hair will proceed to turn dark turquoise by morning. It does help to be resourceful and use the lemons to bleach it back to normal.

I am resourceful.

I have work in the morn but I'll most likely be heading to the beach instead. For two days. I need to push appointments back but I believe it will be worth it. I get paid Thursday.

I found this in the bathroom as I washed my hair with lemons. I thought it was ironic.

I need to break this habit.

Went to Burger King in Mt. Kisco. Which was amazing.

George Michael was there....

Until I realized it was just Cole.

Best friends.

High hopes.

2008-06-13T16:53:00.001-07:00

Mark this as the first summer-oriented post.

Last summer was full of angst, anger and sadness. The typical summer adventures occurred but they were few and while the summer wasn't 100% terrible there was a lot of room for improvement. Now, in the year 2008, I hope to make last summer LOOK terrible and blast it out of the water. WIth a few on campus jobs and friends I think this is very possible.

So, here is a list of things to do and places to visit at least once this summer:
- The Beach on several occasions
- Host a party or two
- See Spring Awakening
- Get into shape
- Tattoo?
- Serendipitys?
- Go to a new city (buffalo?)
- See the Superheroes exhibit
- Lots of Tron

I think this is all easily do-able. And I will be taking pictures and posting along the way.

To Armonk!

Dusk & Summer?

2008-06-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

finally decided on a purpose for this blog. Sort of obvious and I have been doing this already... Logging my summer. Now that I have decided this purpose expect more detailed, picture-orientated blogs with my life as of this summer. We can only imagine where this takes us in the fall.

Loveology.

2008-06-12T12:41:00.001-07:00

Sounds about right.

Yesterday I got drunk at 5PM and ended up in White Plains seeing Kung Fu Panda. I have cool friends who pay for me when I am really broke, too.

Today I have been working since 8:30AM but I recieved a free lunch out of the deal. I'm in J21 right now waiting until 4PM. Then I'll probably play Bioshock, go to the BBQ and finish a really good game of Monopoly with a few of my favorite peoples.

This weekend resides in Armonk. I love my friends.

Forget it.

2008-06-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty lucky to be on campus this summer. It is something I have always wanted to do. Yesterday was surprisingly eventful. Today I get the time with my therapist wrong and now have to wait until 2. Tonight I'm on duty but I hope people visit me. Battle wounds from last weeks encounter are mostly healed. Only my liver still feels pain.

Why do I have this blog, again?

Please don't stop the music.

2008-06-09T11:33:00.001-07:00

I don't know, I'm in A18 with Cole listening to Rihanna. We'll see how long this blog lasts.