Today..

QUEEN LAQUEEFA

Are you eating?

 

BOY 2

It’s gum.

 

THE QUEEN is baffled.

 

BOY 2

I’m burning calories.

 

EVERYONE backs away.

 

THE QUEEN glares at him.

 

THE QUEEN

I’ll let it slide. But if you swallow that gum… So help me Cher.

 

BOY 2 gets down on all fours.

THE QUEEN

(Sighs.) You’ll be wearing sweatpants.

 

EVERYONE GASPS.

 

THE QUEEN

For a month.

MORE GASPS.

THE QUEEN

From Target.

SCREAMS. BOY 3 FAINTS.

I'll finish my musical.

By the time I go to bed.