Wait.

9.14.09

No less than two hours after I last blogged, I received a call from my grandmother explaining that my father said he will pay for Arrojo. So, I'm going to beauty school in exactly two weeks.

I'm back in Staten Island after a very interesting last week for RA Vue in Purchase. I did my best to make it that I would allow myself to go back there.

I have no job and have absolutely no clue when the next time I will be getting paid will be.

Everybody should go out and see Inglourious Basterds because it may just be my new favorite Tarantino film. Walking out of the theater, apparently everyone was woosy from the gore.

I had a warm fuzzy feeling in my belly.

So naturally, I am going to watch some Kill Bill 1 & 2 to get my fix on.

Rated P for Personal.

Figuring out one's life is harder than you think.. Seriously.

Since I've last blogged, I've handed over cash to Arrojo Cosmetology School which is in Soho. The conflicting issue with enrolling into this school comes serious financial responsibility. I can only take out a personal loan in which I would have to pay every month. However, the class starts on September 14th.

Paul Mitchell wants a huge deposit in tuition to hold a place, however, I'm 75% I could take out a career loan from Sallie Mae and defer that until next August. I could take a small loan out from HSBC to pay for the deposit. The class starts in November.

CVS in my neighborhood will most definitely hire me for minimum wage. Starbucks in Westchester will have me back in the fall for a lot more than minimum wage. So.... I have two options:

A.

Go to Arrojo, take out a loan and work Starbucks on the Weekend/crash in Westchester. Maybe work at CVS too. Totaling 55hours at least of work. 69 if you count commuting. PLUS homework. I don't know when I'd sleep.

Positives of Plan A:

- #1 School

- I'll be having fun in a place that's closer to where I want to work.

- Working in an area where I will see a lot of friends (soho/purchase)

- Will be able to search for apartment and real job by May.

Negatives of Plan A:

- Sleep?!?!/Where will I get energy to hang out with friends?

- I'll probably get sick because I won't have any rest.

- I will be that "senior who never left" for at most a year.

-Definitely no time for side projects for 7 months.

B.

Attend Paul Mitchell's Cosmetology School. Work at CVS for minimum wage. Totaling anywhere from 40-50 hours of work. 10 hours of commuting. I could work at Starbucks at Purchase from Sept - November. I would probably have to take out a loan for the enrollment deposit, but I could pay it off with working.

Positives:

-Nearby.

- #5 School.

- I'll be having fun.

- Possibility of hanging out with friends more.

Negatives:

- Help! I'm stranded on Staten Island!

- I won't be able to work until July.

- Would have to take out two loans.

- I would definitely lose the deposit I gave Arrojo already.

Your thoughts?

This is like a terrible math problem.

Watch it.

Tentative, most probable plan for the future:

Work retail for the next year

Paul Mitchell's Cosmetology until Jul 17 '10

Move out Sept 2010

I've hopefully landed a TA job that will help me save money for the rest of the summer. The more money in my bank account come August 19, the better. I hope to have landed a job on SI by then, but we'll see.

I've decided to go vegetarian again. With the exception of fish.. So I guess I'm pesce-tarian.

I'm considering going blonde again and cutting off most of my hair. Stay tuned.

ineligible and intellectual

Safe to the say, this will be my favorite album of the summer:

I'm listening to it right now and I LOVE it.

Despite the rain, I'm a little in love with the past few weeks.

Hawk off.

My diet: avocados, coffee, & croissants.

You gotta start somewhere.

Morning #3 in the reshall complex office, a18.

Long day planned. Currently I have the shades closed, and due to the faint glow reflected on the wall behind me, I am imagining that it is sunny out. I've already checked for sun three or four times and it's just a really bright fog. I know better now.

So in my world, it's sunny. It's sunny and I am cooped up in the office.

I just checked the weather for tomorrow.

Rain.

ANYWAY, I've moved onto more summer reading:

Borrowed from Russell, I haven't read any of his other stuff but I figured a series of short stories is exactly what it takes to keep my ADD-proned mind interested.

Last night I dreamed I was visiting my friends in brooklyn. These dreams entailed pizza, travel via balloons and macaroni & cheese lava.

I guess I'm just a 6 year old at heart.

Who wants to see Up again?

Post 2.

I'm thinking in words today.

My best guess as to why, is because I have been reading so much these days. You'd think since I spent four years in school, that I would be used to this. I guess when you don't read for fun you read one eye and out the other (....?).  The point is, though, is I'm thinking a lot. And whatever I'm thinking, I'm thinking I should write it down. But as soon as I think this the words have escaped me and I'm left with a blank screen.

I haven't read or written this much since High School. Before I turned 17, I would be reading something new constantly. I'd write every day, and if it wasn't mine [/personal] I would post it online. College strikes and, well, I stopped doing work.

Paying for college is paying for an extended vacation entitled Childhood. You're just fooled into thinking you're learning and that you have "Serious" responsibilities. But once your pay period expires you're thrust back into the real world. Sink or swim, it's not their problem.

I don't know why I'm writing here again. I just want to write, but I have nothing specific I want to say.

I just want other people to know what I think.

...I just want to think.

Don't even bother because I don't live here anymore.

Disabling Facebook from sending me e-mails, I thought, should be liberating.

I'm sending out too many resumes and applications, and coming back to an inbox full is just full of false hopes. Truth is, I don't care that so-and-so wrote on my wall and I don't need the stress that comes when what's-her-name tags me in a picture. I can discover all these things out when I log on, when a little flag pops up and notifies me. 

20 e-mails less a day, and I'll be free.

Except, now my inbox is empty. And that is just depressing.

Eyeliner & Cigarettes

I enjoy waking up early.

But only if I have to.

I especially enjoy jobs that require me to rise early, but leave me with nothing to do for the rest of the day. Usually I get up early, drink too much caffeine, and then I'm stuck in the mode of being productive.

I don't know why I'd think for a moment that you'd care.

Anyway, I'm working just a few more hours and then I'll go to the gym for a few hours.

Maybe then I'll get kidnapped to bake for Casey. But who knows.

Turn the lights out.

Yes, that's a hotdog ring you're looking at.

I got it on Saturday at the Renegade craft fair. It's by Three Story Design check them out.

It's been great to see a lot of old faces these days. Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of us are stuck on talking about the past. It's almost as though the best days are behind us, even though I know it isn't necessarily true. Life is at a standstill, and it's like I'm waiting in-between stages. Surrounded by rejection notices and worried about the future.

I have no idea what to do with my life. Today, tomorrow, next year... It's all a severely unpredictable haze.

I guess I'll call home and take a nap. When I wake up, maybe the sun will be out.

She's She and We're Her

I want to be Lady Gaga when I grow up.

This blog will be brief since I'm craving a banana chocolate vivanno from Starbucks.

Russ and I are starting a music project entitled Her. Yesterday we spray and splatter-painted a mannequin. Sometime in the next week we'll have a design meeting with our backup dancers and Head of Wardrobe, Kristen.

Which brings me to my new topic: Summer Projects.

They are:

- The Music Project: Her

- My autobiography and true coming of age tale, How to Throw Parties and Impress People

- Maybe a sequel to K-Hawk: The Musical... K-Hawk: Escape from Staten Island

Summer Reading? Plenty.

*Re-Reading I Am Not Myself These Days

* Front Row (Anna Wintour's Biography)

* How to Talk Dirty and Influence People

& others, and I hope I can find Big Wigs: Straight Girl in a Drag World

Goals:

Save $$

Find Apartment

Enjoyyyyyyyy

It was here I realized that my legs are a completely different [whiter] than the rest of my body.

"What is it with you and drag queens?"

I really really want those. They're $90.... Do I add them to my collection?

They'd go nicely with my 7.5" heels.

Everyone go here and vote!

Woo!

This post is rated G.

For Gay.

There is something called an away message.

I used to be obsessed with this show.

I guess that's when the gay man inside of me began to sprout.

Speaking of gay:

Some summer reading, donated by a friend of a friend at the end of the school year.

I just started reading but I'll keep y'all sorta updated like I did last summer.

Also, maybe I'll start a blog for my autobiography chapters (since, let's face it, they won't be published for at least ten years... when I'm super famous).

It's called How To Throw Parties & Impress People.

I know I'm an asshole, there's no need to remind me.

Je vous suivrai jusqu'à ce que vous m'aimiez.

Post #2 of the summer. Expect one more before the day is out.

We're alumni!!!

After looking through last years posts, I figured it might be a good idea to add a few more pictures and a list of goals I'll set for summer.

- Have fun.

- Get off campus.

.....That's all I got right now.

Here are my best friends:

But, I'm a Hawk...

Last summer, around this time, I started this blog with absolutely no intentions on continuing it. Happy almost-first birthday, blog!

Last summer, around this time, I was visiting Cole at his job here in A18. Now, I'm here, and it's now my job to be here from 9AM - 10PM.

Did I mention I graduated college a week ago?

This summer, I have no idea where I'll be in September. I had grandiose  plans of going to Hawaii, Boston or even Seattle. Which is great and all, but I don't think I'm ready to be completely alone yet.

This summer, I'm taken it easy. I'll still make a few bucks and hopefully by the end of July I'll be setting up a career for myself. If not, I'll blame the economy.

I just pinched my arm between my desk & office chair. It fucking hurts.

Above: K-Hawk: The Musical

Here: Summer of Hawk: Part 2

I just want to graduate....

Do you believe that there was an anti-homosexual demonstration on my campus Monday?

Yea, neither do I. And I was there!

So, basically the last month has been just trying to figure out what I am doing with the next three months of my life. I can't see past September and for now that's okay for me. I've been trying to enjoy every last moment left. Culture Shock 2009 was a huge success and so was Zombie Prom.

8 more assignments left as an ungrad... Sounds like a lot, but it really isn't.

But guess what? K-Hawk: The Musical is really happening. Who would have thunk?

Life is good, I think. Weird... But good.

Let's hope it keeps up for a little while.

Porch Parties... Every Night.

Ne me quitte pas.

Last night, somewhere along the crossroads of serious and wasted, I because really really nostalgic. 

So, Seriously Wasted, I walked from the PAC to the Olde, from the Olde to the Commons and back again. "Feeling the music" here and there and cherishing the last moments I have here. As much as I would love to stay in college forever, I can't, and it really is time for me to move on. The past few months I've experienced my last Fall Fest, Purchase Prom, Zombie Prom.. this coming weekend brings Culture Shock. Although I will be back next year for Fall Fest, Zombie Prom and even Culture Shock... I know it won't be the same.

Oh, and my last show I will direct and be in in this school? It's about myself. How appropriate.

If the stiletto fits.

Well Known Fact

I am incapable of keeping the same hair style for longer than 4 weeks.

Well...

From left to right: Cole, myself, and Al.

I did not finish my musical, just yet.

But almost.

Right now I am writing you from my second favorite Starbucks on Staten Island. I would say  I left Purchase out of boredom but it was moreso out of loneliness.. None of my friends were around..

And now I intended on finishing my first draft of my musical, writing some of my senior project, and picking up some easter candy at CVS.

C'est ma vie.

Today..

QUEEN LAQUEEFA

Are you eating?

 

BOY 2

It’s gum.

 

THE QUEEN is baffled.

 

BOY 2

I’m burning calories.

 

EVERYONE backs away.

 

THE QUEEN glares at him.

 

THE QUEEN

I’ll let it slide. But if you swallow that gum… So help me Cher.

 

BOY 2 gets down on all fours.

THE QUEEN

(Sighs.) You’ll be wearing sweatpants.

 

EVERYONE GASPS.

 

THE QUEEN

For a month.

MORE GASPS.

THE QUEEN

From Target.

SCREAMS. BOY 3 FAINTS.

I'll finish my musical.

By the time I go to bed.

Heart on sleeve.

It feels good to put a pause on life.

Spring Break is in full effect. I've done nothing but eat an entire pizza by myself, sat around with friends, ordered wings and lemonade, made cake and watch porn. I worked at the PAC today for four hours, but I hardly call that work. I'm taking a mental break from life.

Tonight calls for a sandwich, coffee, friends and wine. My four favorite things in life. Thursday I'm going home so I will get my fifth favorite thing in my life: family. I miss my cousins like crazy. I haven't been home for longer than two hours in two months.

I graduate college in two more months, btw.

This is scary for many reasons but I'm trying to be more excited about it. I'm done with academia. I applied to be my class' senior speaker. I hope I get it. I hope I enjoy the next two months because absolutely nothing after May 15th 2009 is set in stone.

I like Spring Break so much because it almost feels like summer. And I love summer, warm weather and friends.

Stiletto Alberto Cabana = Coolest fish ever.

That's all she wrote.

Je veux danser avec toi.

Greetins from the Procrastination Station.

If it were any other week prior to this one, I would have work in two hours. Except this week I informed my manager at Starbucks that I will not be returning. The primary reason for this being I need to free up my schedule to be able to do schoolwork. Without more free time, 2- credits will be the death of me.

Bottom line: I would like to graduate.

K-Hawk: The Musical's set date is May 9th at 8PM. The location will be Theater X or the Student Center in event of rain. Hopefully, there will be no rain. The play is a lot less narcissistic than it sounds. For those of you planning to attend: check your brain at the door. There is no deep meaning or ambition mission of the show. I'm just doing because I want to. It'll be fun.

Tentative date for auditions? April 2nd at 7PM. Pencil that in, folks.

Tomorrow I have a 20-sentence French Composition due and a 1,000-word/Presentation due for Communicating Quantitive Information. Which MIGHT be fun since I just changed my topic to... food! Holler. So right now I'm procrastinating because I'm a waste of life.

I've added three important things to my daily routine: masturbation, tea, and going to the gym. This so far has proven to give me a simpler piece of mind. I will keep you posted.

I also go to sleep between 11PM-1AM every night. Sleep is key.

Qui suis-je?

Well, then.

It's a shame when you're living your last semester at ungrad and you're just trying to get by.

I know I will miss this place. It's just incredibly hard to realize it when this place makes itself so hard to miss. I'm not going to miss the idiots, I'm not going to miss the assholes, and I'm not going to miss a few handful of people.

I've been very busy but I've been able to manage. I can only function when I'm overwhelmingly busy. I thought this semester was going to be a hundred times better than what it is shaping itself out to be.

I'm confused but I'm not at all. 

But I am.

Hello, world.

A week ago, I had sent in my resume to 2 internships advertisements on playbill.com on a whim. I had no real expectation on receiving an internship; I just wanted to throw something out there and see what came back. 11AM the next morning, I receive a call and an interview on Friday for an internship at stagedoorconnections.com.  On Friday, I receive that internship on the spot.

Keep in mind I still have no clue how I will manage 3 jobs, 1 internship, 1 class and a decent social life. I'm sure I will be fine.

So upon receiving this internship, I realize that this probably means I will have a job when I graduate college. It means I am really moving off this island, for good. I have completely mixed feelings but the majority of them are good. This could be it: the foot in the door. Or it won't be... Whatever it is, it pretty much just landed on my lap and I have good feelings about it.

I go back to school on Thursday? I have a lot to do.

Just crossing my fingers..

And whatever I do: keep breathing.... In.. And out...

ps. that picture was Lady GaGa and Lady Starlight. And a shout out to Fritz for Culture Shock 09 ideas.

Let's be real folks.

So I have one week remaining to my last winter break.

Apparently, I have an interview for an internship for this semester tomorrow. Hopefully this may mean a career opportunity in the future but that might be thinking too far ahead. As for now, I have to figure out my last semester of college. And how I'm going to balance time for work and some serious play. I really want to spend time with as many people as much as I can because I really don't think I'm going to be that senior that comes back every week.

Culture Shock: What do I wear? Something ultra shiny and expensive-looking? I say yes.

These days are going to fly by so fast. We have to make the best of it. Seriously.

We can be best friends forever if you recognize both ladies in the picture.

2,000 & Mine

2009 has been off to a strange start to say the least.

Let's see, started off the new year right with just Casey and a mini-keg. Spontaneously went to a party. Drank a whole friggin bunch. Woke up at 8:30AM because Casey had work, and was still drunk. After leaving her house at 11am, I met up with Lauren at Grand Central at 2. Which means I spent about 3 hours being a complete zombie in public. Exhausted and slightly hungover.

Although I believed I would come home to rest, I ended up going to the D'urso's house as soon as I got home. We were there until 8, and that's when we called it a night. Friday was spent with my uncle and at the apple store because of an accidental computer-dropping. Friday night was spent with good friends, avocados at 2am and cherry brandy in the upper west side. Saturday? Journey from uws to the si mall and back home at 4pm. Waking up to an unfamiliar scarf and McDonalds breakfast... amazing. Although, I want my old scarf back :(.

ANYWAY, I woke up SICK on Saturday. So this week will be spent writing my musical and getting ready for an audition in two weeks.

There is a lot of alcohol in this Theraflu. Or "warming" solution. Whatever.

This post is totally boring.